learning

i'll admit that as much as i would like to pretend that i am supermom and have it all figured out, we are definitely still learning over here.

learning that just when you think that you have finally established a routine, the next day will most likely look like anything but that routine.  learning that when your baby is screaming at the top of their lungs and you have done everything, ev-re-thing you can think of to help her and you just can't, that you are not a failure.  learning that another person's company or sing-a-longs might be just that thing that you didn't think of that she needed and being ok with that.  learning that the outdoors really is the best mood fixer for her and i (no matter how difficult it is to get outside).  learning that i really should buy more burp cloths or at least that i shouldn't have thrown away all of those useless free college t-shirts that would have welcomed the spit-ups.  learning that my body is INCREDIBLE but not invincible and that if i don't take care of it no one else will.  learning that the phrase "that's ok, i'll get to it tomorrow" just really doesn't hold true anymore.  learning that my daily capabilities aren't what they used to be, and learning to be ok with that.  learning that spending an hour looking at my daughter when i haven't finished even half of the things on my to-do list is still important.  learning that in that short hour i might very well witness her growing.  learning that my husband is my greatest ally, support, and encourager (well technically i already knew this but i've been relearning it in wonderful new ways).

the thought that this is only the beginning of everything that i have to learn is daunting but good grief is this time rewarding.  there are nights that i go to bed so defeated, so discouraged by how little i have actually accomplished but then i look at my daughter and the mere fact that she is alive and healthy puts things back into perspective.  and you know what, i think we're doing all right, we three.