yesterday was Mother's Day. my very first Mother's Day. the sound of it is still so strange to my ears. am i really old enough for this?
i wanted to show up to church put together with my hair curled and a decent outfit on in celebration of this special day. instead, nursing dictated what i could wear (which ended up being embarrassingly wrinkled with no time to remedy that) and my hair was left to lay how it fell from when i collapsed into bed with it wet last night and both Hazel and i ended up wearing spit-up before we could get a decent picture together. as much as these trivial things wanted to cause me to call into question my abilities as a mother, i managed to laugh them off and call the day perfect.
perfect that i had my beautiful, healthy daughter to fall asleep on my chest. perfect that i had my husband there to kiss and congratulate me. perfect that i had my in-laws treat me to my first ever Mother's Day brunch. perfect that my own mother (and incredible example) was in town and managed to make me cry with just a few simple words in a card.
i don't know that i have my head wrapped around this thing called motherhood yet. the holiday almost seems a little premature to me this time around (with the pains of childbirth still lingering). what i do know about motherhood, even early on, is that i love this child. wholeheartedly, unquestionably, L.O.V.E this child. i know now that to be filled with this kind of love, by no doing of my own, is the greatest privilege a parent can have. to understand what my own parents felt/feel about me is overwhelming! completely overwhelming.
i feel like the luckiest girl in the world yesterday, today and all of the days to come with this child of mine. hazel belle, thank you for making me a mother.
i wanted to show up to church put together with my hair curled and a decent outfit on in celebration of this special day. instead, nursing dictated what i could wear (which ended up being embarrassingly wrinkled with no time to remedy that) and my hair was left to lay how it fell from when i collapsed into bed with it wet last night and both Hazel and i ended up wearing spit-up before we could get a decent picture together. as much as these trivial things wanted to cause me to call into question my abilities as a mother, i managed to laugh them off and call the day perfect.
perfect that i had my beautiful, healthy daughter to fall asleep on my chest. perfect that i had my husband there to kiss and congratulate me. perfect that i had my in-laws treat me to my first ever Mother's Day brunch. perfect that my own mother (and incredible example) was in town and managed to make me cry with just a few simple words in a card.
i don't know that i have my head wrapped around this thing called motherhood yet. the holiday almost seems a little premature to me this time around (with the pains of childbirth still lingering). what i do know about motherhood, even early on, is that i love this child. wholeheartedly, unquestionably, L.O.V.E this child. i know now that to be filled with this kind of love, by no doing of my own, is the greatest privilege a parent can have. to understand what my own parents felt/feel about me is overwhelming! completely overwhelming.
i feel like the luckiest girl in the world yesterday, today and all of the days to come with this child of mine. hazel belle, thank you for making me a mother.
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